Happy Birthday Daddy.

A note to you:
This is very close to my heart. As you will read, my Dad is no longer here on earth for me to have a relationship with. Fathers, cherish your daughters. They are your princesses and they deserve nothing less, even if they have made mistakes (who hasn't?). Daughters, forgive your fathers for things that warrant true forgiveness and acceptance of a relationship and mend it. Time is a gift we cannot get back.




In 2002 my Dad died. We had an often turbulent relationship, and the last year of his life we did not speak. I spent a lot of time fearing him, dreading to see him and then distancing myself from him. He could be a beautiful person, he was blond and tall and had the most amazing personality and I can remember being little and just worshipping him.

But sometimes, he wasn't beautiful. He could be cruel, and critical; often making me feel like the smallest person in the world. He had a unique way of stomping all over my dreams, squashing my creativity and verbally tearing me to pieces.

Maybe he thought he was being practical, but an artistic little girl needed nurturing and affirmation. She needed to know the THE man in her life thought she was beautiful and marvelous.

So, for most of the moments in my life, he wasn't there. He was a shadow in my life and sometimes, the sun would briefly shine through. I got weary of having that shadow cast on me and went for months without calling him. He never called me anyway, and more time just passed.

And then he was gone. He died January 17, 2002. I didn't fully accept it until several years ago. And then I grieved, I remembered what he smelled like, Coast soap and dirt and sweat...my truck smells like him. I remembered memories; hunting, riding in the pickup, watching Westerns on Sunday. I found a letter from him he sent to me in college, telling me he was proud of me and in so many words, apologizing for not being much of a parent.

If I could have 5 minutes with him, I would make him sing the song to me he made up about us. I cannot remember the words, I wish I could. I would drink a cup of coffee with him, he loved coffee and it seemed that his cup was never empty. I would make him tell me stories about being a little boy and about his horses and cows.

I would look at him and understand that he was just so screwed up, he couldn't help it if he didn't know how to love me.

I would ask if he thought I was beautiful, and hope he said yes, because all little girls need that from their Daddy.

I would extend grace and forgiveness to him for not being there for me. I would ask him to do the same for me.

I have a picture of him as a young man. He was beautiful and flawed, misunderstood and charismatic, and lonely. And he was my Dad

And I love him, just as he was.

Christmas Time is Here

I used to wonder why people loved to talk about the past so much. You know how a bunch of old people like to get together and tell stories about when they were young? As I get older, I understand why. Memories, specifically the good ones, have a way of making us feel alive again and whole. They comfort and remind us of a different time, often a better time. Christmas is such a special time of year and for many, it can be very lonely. Christmas memories can be joyful and bittersweet. I was so fortunate to have MANY wonderful Christmases, and hopefully more to come. I want to share a few memories with you.

Christmas Eve was always a time with my Daddy. He was a beautiful man, tall with blond hair, a beautiful smile and green eyes. He always drove a Ford pickup truck, and he would come get me and take me to Grandma Millies. There was always a ton of amazing food, and chocolate eclair cake (that was my favorite!). I felt SO special in that big pickup truck, driving back home to Momma's, looking up through the windshield for a glimpse of Rudolph.

In second grade, I got Mikey the cocker spaniel for Christmas. I walked out of my bedroom and his sweet little head popped up out of the box! The first pictures Momma took of us, I am just hugging him and crying. He was the prettiest puppy in the world! I was SO surprised and OVER THE MOON! What could be better than a puppy for Christmas?

The most precious Christmas gift I received was from my Momma while I was in college. She spent several months making me a beautiful quilt. She had embroidered several quotes and Bible verses on it, and it is a beautiful pattern of hearts. I keep it packed up now, but I just remember opening the gift and being floored at the time, talent, love and effort she had put into that beautiful quilt for me.

The last few years I have spent my Christmas Eve at The Church at Hopepark participating in their Christmas Eve services. It has always been special to share that time with people you love and new people you grow to love, using your gifts for a greater good. There is nothing like it, sharing that time to worship together and celebrate the birth of Christ. I always left those services knowing I had a long drive home ahead, but the feeling of love and community made it an easy drive.

So, Christmas time is here. Make some memories. You might need them one day, to share with others you love, or to remind you that are loved. Merry Christmas.

Dreams

I have never been a BIG DREAMER. Even when I think back to being a little girl, I didn't have these huge dreams for my life, I never dreamed of being rich, or famous. Even now, I can say that some of my biggest dreams came true. I dreamed of going to college, and I did. I dreamed to be able to sing full time, and I have done that several times in my life. My dream in college was to be in the Christian music group Truth, and I was a singer on their very last tour. Those may seem little to many, but in my world, they were my biggest dreams, and they came true.

My dreams now are a little different. I dream of being able to take care of my Momma one day, because she took care of me for so long. I dream of being a good friend to people, and a light in their life. I dream of making a difference in people's lives with my God given gifts and life skills. I dream of having a lifelong true companion who will love me to my core, and I dream of being able to fully return that love.

These dreams seem alot harder to obtain than the ones above. My dream is that I finish well. "That the seeds God will let me plant will bloom eternally long after I'm forgotten".

I have said it before: Life moves so very quickly. Hold onto what you love, and give yourself away. Love is the biggest word there is. It is the strongest power we have.

Dream. Please dream.

Updates!

Hey Ya'll,
I just wanted to kind of give you people an update on what is going on in "tiffanyland".

First of all, I had a gig last Friday at The Listening Room Cafe in Nashville, TN with Benita Hill, Lionel Cartwright, and Clara Oman, we collected shoes for Soles4Souls! We had a GREAT CROWD! And we collected almost 2 collection boxes full of shoes!!! It was a great night. I am really looking forward to performing more in 2010 with my new music, the more I have done these tunes live, the more excited I am getting. I feel so at home with this music and I just LOVE it! I was just blown away at people coming out to see us, it is so motivating and encouraging, and I got some great facebook messages and emails about the gig, and all I can SAY IS THANK YOU!!!

Second, my friends Lisa Davis and Jack Purcell got married last Saturday night here in Nashville. Jack was the drummer in the band that I was in for a while called The Zodiacs, and he is the greatest guy, and Lisa is the greatest girl. And their wedding was SO special. It was just a wonderful, beautiful expression of their commitment to each other...which is exactly what you hope for. It just really touched my hesrt.

Lastly, the CD is on its way soon!! I promise! I gotta get pics taken this week or next and then the artwork, and all the jazz and BOOM!! YOU CAN BUY IT!!!

It is almost here...wow.

Oh, and can I just say how much I love Nashville, especially in the fall?????

L-O-V-E,
Tif

Funny!

I NEVER check out Youtube.com, unless someone sends it to me. But I was searching for a live performance of me singing and found these clips as I searched under "My Dorothy Shoes", which is the title of one of the songs off my upcoming CD. The first clip is just really cool, it is called "Anti-Dorothy Shoes" and the second clip is so funny, especially for your Muppet Fans.

Enjoy!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zAA2Z6jsZCk&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hdIAWaFoXUs&feature=related

Almost there

The Cd is almost there. We are mixing it, and I am SO freakin EXCITED!!! I feel like it is my baby, I am so proud...
Actually, this experience is alot like birth. This has not happened quite like I thought it would. It has taken longer than I thought, the direction that it went in stylistically took alot of "fleshing out". There have been lulls in the process, and I have learned alot about trusting my gut through this, and ALOT about FAITH.
It would be easy if I could control everything about this journey and the outcome, but I don't think it would be as beautiful, or as delightful. The process has given me incredible amounts of joy....and I am feeling a sense of pride as I hear the end results. Also, a sense of relief that what has been caught "on tape" is authentic to who I am and what I want to convey.

So, I will keep you posted on where you can buy it, or come hear it.

Overwhelmed! In a GOOD WAY!

So, last week I recorded a choir on one of the songs for my upcoming CD that will be released SOON!! And we emailed people and asked for volunteers. And 12 amazing singers from my church showed up, and it just overwhelmed me. Thank you to the 12 of you for giving up a night to come out and sing for me!!! It meant so very much to me!!! Thank you to the Estoks for turning their house upside down to accomodate everyone!!!!

It just amazes me when people do stuff like that. It really makes you feel pretty good.

My Silly Momma

I love my Momma, I know I have said it before. But, this little tiny, amazing person just is such a gift to me. I am so blessed to have a parent like her. She knows I am a HUGE John Mayer fan, I call him "my boyfriend", so she sends me a priority mail package with a card and a new Home Decor magazine featuring a spread about his SoHo loft (that one depresses me, because I would die...I would die...for a loft in SoHo).

Anyway, so I flip to the article and I am turning pages as I am on the phone with her, and the shot of his bedroom has...no, can it be???...MY GLAMOUR SHOT ON HIS WALL FROM MY COLLEGE DAYS!!!!!!!!!!! Ok, Ok, she took a little creative liberties with the issue. I about peed my pants.

I love my Momma. I love that she knows that a $4.00 package will give me happiness that is priceless. I love her forever.

Whole Lot of Love from HopePark

I have been at The Church at Hopepark in Nashville, TN for 7 years now. I love my church, love my pastor, the staff and the beautiful people that I get to know and worship with and do life with. I am frequently involved in the music there and I am honored to be able to use my gifts.

I am always BLOWN away by the love and encouragement I receive when I do this. I sang at a women's event last night there and the responses already have just touched me so deeply. Sometimes it is hard to get up and lead people in worship or communicate a song, especially when I am struggling with something personally or having a tough day, or just the whole feeling of being unworthy to even do that.

I really felt like I had nothing to give last night. I even left the event thinking, man, this could have gone so much better if I had done this, that, etc.

But, I have had such wonderful feedback. It is just a reminder that God uses us in our weakness, when we are weak, He is strong.

Hopepark Family, you will never know how powerfully you touch my life. I love my church and the family I have made there. When I drive down the big driveway to the church, I thank God that I have such a wonderful community of believers to share this life with. Thank you, I love ya'll so much.

Reynosa Day 2

So, the distribution trip is done. And I am getting on a plane in a couple of hours. I told you about Sunday's distribution at the church, and how great it was. And yesterday was just as amazing. We went to an orphanage in Reynosa, Mexico and to be honest, I was preparing myself for one big ole ugly cry. I was expecting to see all these sad faces and have children trying to leave with me and so on. That is not what I found there.

We entered the orphanage that morning and unloaded shoes as dozens of little dark eyes watched and then went back to their coloring because it was alot more interesting. The orphanage is a 2 story facility. For the standards in Mexico, it is very clean. The smells weren't always the best, but generally this place was clean and neat and sunny. I was pleasantly surprised.

After we got the shoes unloaded, I sat with a group of little girls (probably about 5-8 years old) and colored with them. It was frustrating and comical to have limited communication, but they were very patient and we worked around it. They just enjoyed having a buddy to color with.

I just happened to bring a bunch of stickers with me to Mexico. At Target, I decided against the candy and bought stickers of cars, SpongeBob, hearts, butterflies(mariposas in espanol), stars (estrellas in espanol), DORA and happy faces. I pulled the stickers out, and...IT..WAS..ON. They went nuts, I had kids with stickers all over their face, clothes, backpacks....IT WAS FABULOUS. I kept having negotiations with little folks that wanted more, and of course, I would give in every time and say "uno mas" (one more).

I snuck in the little kids area later and watched as they napped, and saw a precious angel with a star sticker still on her cheek.

We had lunch at the orphanage and they served us first, we has something called Menudo. Moses, our Mexican pastor/tour guide/bodyguard/man about town/powerlifter, informed us that this word means "common". Menudo was a stew filled with a tomato broth, hominy and cow knuckles, stomach, and many other things I don't want to know about. I tried, ya'll. I ate all the hominy. Some of our other girls couldn't do it, and they tried too. SO, Mercedes, the lunch lady of the orphanage (who looks like lunch ladies look in the US...guess it is universal), came over and brought us cheese quesadillas because she said they made them anyway for the other kids. I love Mercedes, for many reasons, for honoring us with a meal and for realizing that we were not all fans of cow knuckles.

As we finished us, they brought the younger kids in to eat. I went over to a table and helped them feed the kids. The children at my table were anywhere from 10 months to 2 years. I spoon fed a little girl her lunch and entertained a very animated little girl and a boy named Victor. Everytime I would smile at Victor he would do that belly laugh that babies do, and throw his head back. The goal of lunch was to get the kids to eat with their spoons, not their hands. It was a sight. We chanted in Spanish "manos no, cuchara si" (hands no, spoon yes)

After lunch, we started fitting shoes. I have to say the more I do this, I love it. I love getting down and fitting people with shoes. I think it is even more personal than when you give someone clothes or anything else, there is just something about dealing with a person's feet that touches them in a different way. We had just a few cases where we didn't have the exact size, and we gave them something a half size or so bigger because they are still growing. Generally, the Mexican people are smaller than Americans, with tiny little feet. I fitted sweet shy, little boys, and girls who even though they are young and in poverty, wanted girly shoes, the school shoes we brought, which they definitely need, were not quite as froo-froo as they would have liked. I loved this, universally, girls are girls.

I had one little girl that was born with webbed feet. Her name was Ingrid and she had surgery not too long ago to repair it, but there is still a definite deformity to her foot. She was very shy about taking her boot off. I finally got her to and we found a pair that didn't irriate her foot. I just wanted to kiss her little feet. I told her in Spanish that she was beautiful and her feet were too. She melted my heart.

I noticed that when we got to the older girls to fit, it was a little harder to break through to them. You could see in their eyes that alot of hurt was there. I just wished I could have talked more to them, communicated better, stayed longer.

At the end of the day, I decided to walk into the young kids area during naptime. It was so peaceful in there. hey had classical music playing and in each section, there were little sleeping angels. I leaned over the ledge and just watched the sleep. I wonder what their life will be like, if they will make it? Will they grow up and have a family, will they resist the cycle they were born in to? A couple of kids were awake, and they remembered that I was the sticker lady, to which I replied "no mas" (no more). I found one sticker on my shirt and I gave it to a little boy, about 3. I leaned down and stuck it on his shirt, and hugged him. He just squeezed me so tight, I didn't want to let him go.

I noticed yesterday that in the midst of being orphaned, and in an area of poverty, these children are generally very happy. They are fed and loved by a group of amazing people, and have a safe haven there. Things in their life could be better, yes, it definitely could. But they are loved, and cared for. And I was so touched by that day, by that experience. I want to do what I can to make their world better, whether that is by sending shoes, money, or going back with stickers and coloring books. I left burdened but I left happy. I got to love on them, and I was loved in return. And isn't that what is most important?

I want to thank all those children for reminding me of this one thing: If we do not have love, we have nothing.

Reynosa Mexico Trip Day 1

I just back to our hotel in Texas after our first distribution. Our little group of 8 left the hotel earlier and entered Mexico with our shoes, stopping to have lunch before the distribution. I ate something like a deep fried baguette, filled with ground meat, cilantro, avocado and hot suace, called "lonches", and it changed my life. I also drank a Coca Cola sweetened with real cane sugar...wow. We walked around the market for a little while, and it was just a market, full of stuff.
Then we headed outside of the city area to Reynosa to a church just getting out of their service. We got there, and unloaded the shoes, and it was a little crazy for a while. We tried to get everyone in an orderly line, and sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't. All in all, we probably gave away 200 plus pairs of shoes, mostly to children. We would measure their sweet little feet with a paper measuring chart, and do the best we could to find their current size or something they could grow into. The pastor's middle daughter, Abbi, became my little sidekick and a tremendous help. She translated for me, helped me measure and I just felt such love and grace from this 10 year old. She is going to grow into an amazing woman. She blessed my heart with her sweet face and freckles.
You go on these trips to do good work for others, that is the bottom line. But you are the one who receives the good work. I was measuring these sweet babies feet and looking in their deep dark eyes and making faces at them so they laugh and smile, I had them wiggle their little toes to make sure the shoes worked. I realized today that the stinky feet smell doesn't even bother me; I welcome it, because that means I am a part in helping to make their world better.
Tomorrow is the orphanage, which I know will be amazing and beautiful and hard too, because I will want to bring them all home with me.

For right now, I am headed the the McAllen Wal-Mart, to introduce Ellen and Nancy, two sisters from NYC and Miss Alex from North Dakota, to their very first MOON PIE.
I am out, ya'll.

This weekend I will be in Reynosa, Mexico

In an orphanage, full of children that were not wanted by their families or were left there because no one could care for them or chose not to. I have been on mission trips before here in the States. And I have been touched and challenged and humbled each time because I realize my life is not as bad as I think it is.
My mom has already said "please do not put one of the children in your suitcase and bring them home", she knows me all too well.
What I want this weekend is to engage with another human being and just offer them love, kindness, patience, gentleness, and the gift of shoes of course, I am going on behalf of Soles4Souls.
And I want to do that here too, at home, the ultimate mission field. Our mission is all around us. In our homes, work, circle of friends, our extended family...our enemies. Those opportunities are everywhere, just waiting for us.

I love Elisabeth Elliot, I used to gobble up anything she wrote, but her writings are very challenging and they cause us to look inward and do some soul searching. So, like the selfish, self-absorbed, busy with my own life person I can be, I avoid them because I don't want to feel that feeling, you know the one where you feel like you aren't doing enough, searching inward enough....

"Here lies the tremendous mystery - that God should be all-powerful, yet refuse to coerce. He summons us to cooperation. We are honoured in being given the opportunity to participate in his good deeds. Remember how He asked for help in performing his miracles: Fill the waterpots, stretch out your hand, distribute the loaves" Elisabeth Elliot

I hope to bring back beautiful, amazing stories...godspeed.

You can't go back, you can only go forward

I can't change a thing that has already taken place in my life. I can't erase passages of time, nor can I revive them because I wish for something I was or I had. I can move forward one step at a time, and hope and pray that the people on this journey with me can love me when I fall, when I falter, when I am afraid of forging ahead and rejoice when I am filled with joy at the view in front of me as I press on.

Recording Part 2

So, yesterday we finished up my vocals. I must say that I have recorded before, and this experience EXCEEDED any I have ever had. It was hard work, but joyful and fun, and full of heart. Lionel Cartwright is producing my project and he is doing an AMAZING job!!! Paul "Salvo" Salveson engineered all the vocal sessions and tracking session and he is just WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL!!! My hope and prayer when this is done is that everyone hears and feels the love and prayers and heart put into this.
Oh, and we concluded our day with CHICKEN AND FRIES from Prince's Hot Chicken Shack in Nashville!!!!! HEAVEN.

Recording!!!

So, tomorrow and Tues, I am cutting my vocals for my new project. Friday we cut all the music and I just have to say WOW, I had some great musicians involved. So, as it is coming together, it is so cool because I can see it as a whole now!!

So, my cat Sassy (my little watchcat) wouldn't let the maintenance guy in my apt today to fix my AC, she hissed at him, bared her teeth and tried to claw his foot, she is my guard kitty....Sassy is the one on the bottom of the pic, her face is covered so that no one recognizes her because she is a secret agent kitty....

Bluebird Cafe Show

On Tuesday, June 23rd, my friends Benita Hill, Lionel Cartwright, Clara Oman and little ole me played a round at the legendary Bluebird Cafe in Nashville and it was an amazing night!!! It just went great and I just want to thank everyone for coming out! It is such a blessing and so humbling to see people come out to hear us sing, and the place was full! There were people who tried to get in but they couldn't....sorry ya'll.

Again, I just want to say that I am so thankful for the opportunities to get to sing and even more grateful for the ones who want to hear it. :)

This is ONE INSPIRING KID!!!

For most children, a birthday party means one thing….lots of PRESENTS! This is hardly the case for 9 year old Bianca Booher, from Bloomington, Indiana. For her birthday on June 14th, Bianca collected shoes from her friends on behalf of the 300 million children around the world without footwear. Inspired by the TV show “Oprah’s Big Give”, Bianca decided she wanted to give her birthday gifts away to charity. Right before her birthday last year, she saw footage of a home ravaged by floods. She saw a child’s bookshelf full of wet books and this motivated her to collect over 651 books for her birthday to give away to children. After last year’s birthday, she immediately began to get excited about what to collect for future birthdays.

Bianca had a “Barefoot Tween Prom” birthday party, complete with a shoe shaped cake, beautiful dresses, dancing and lots of SHOES. “I had a lot of shoes I couldn’t wear anymore; probably about 7 pairs in my closet, and I asked my friends to bring the shoes that they couldn’t wear to the party. There are a lot of people who don’t have any shoes, and collecting them made me feel really, really good”, said the captivating nine year old.

So far, Bianca has collected over 500 pairs of shoes. Bianca is still collecting shoes at her gymnastics center, where she has been taking gymnastics “since she was born”. She is also preparing for her role as Chip the Teacup in the stage production of Beauty and the Beast. Bianca is thinking about becoming a gymnastics coach or an actress. Presently, she is an inspiring nine year old, changing the world one pair at a time.

If I could do one thing....

I would be able to go back and see my Dad before he died. In saying that, I need to carry that "one thing" with me every day and cherish and treasure the people I have RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW. Sometimes, I really suck at that. Why is it so hard sometimes just to let go of fear and pride and just reach out with love?

I want to be good at that, to love without fear....The Bible says "Perfect love casts out all fear". Is there really perfect love at all?

News!!!

Good news for me and hopefully for ya'll. I will be working on my music project later on this month and in July!! It has been a long time coming!!! But I am SOSOSOSOSOOO excited, I LOVE the songs and the people I am working with! I will be giving updates when I can!
Enjoy the sunshine!
Tif

Catching up.

It has been a while. I am not the best blogger. And I really should be, I have been told I write pretty well, and I love doing it. It makes me feel like Carrie Bradshaw on Sex and the City, because they often have scenes where she is typing and you can hear the words in her head. Just thank God that you can't hear mine.

Next Saturday marks the third wedding I will have participated in over a time span of thirty days. My cousin Sara got married in South Carolina. It was a precious wedding and I spent priceless time with my family. It was such a blessing to get to do that. I love my family so much and the older I get, the more I treasure them. The highlight was probably taking Sara to get her hair done that day and taking her through McDonald's to get a hamburger, because McDonald's has always been her favorite and I used to think she was going to turn into a "Golden Arch". She has always been such a sweet, little simple soul, and the couple of hours we got one on one was the sweetest. The next wedding was my friend Megan's. It was held at Riverwood Mansion, a beautiful place here in Nashville. She was a beautiful bride, and I loved getting to know her family and friends better. I wish her and Ryan all the happiness in the world, Megan has such a kind soul, and there is something very soothing about her presence. I know she is one of those people who will work very hard to make her marriage the best it can be.

I spent 10 days in Ottawa, Canada for Soles4Souls. The charity was a guest of Canadian Tulip Festival, and we participated in a wonderful event called "Shoes and Champagne" that raised money for us. I also discovered some shoe designers that I am in love with: Phil Daluca and Georgina Goodman. It was my first time ever out of the country. I had my little passport with me, my pic looks like a junkyard dog. Canada is a beautiful country. It is so clean; it was a little disheartening for me because the U.S. is so dirty in many places. I also walked everywhere. It was AMAZING. You can't do that here. We should, because I didn't see many overweight people in Canada. But even here, the roadways are not pedestrian friendly. But I still love my country more than anything.

I have read quite a few books in the last month. "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man" by Steve Harvey. What a book!!! I was either laughing out loud, or tearing up. He is awesome, and does an amazing job explaining a very simple message all women need to hear. In honor of being in Canada, I read "French Women Do Not Get Fat". Also, a great book. After I had a lovely conversation with a British woman, and watched Canadian women, and read this book. I am more convinced than ever that American Women need to CHILL OUT on the dieting crap. Sure, we need to make good choices and move around, but for some of us, diet and exercise control everything. That is not the way it is meant to be!!!!! I am currently reading "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan. I can't even begin to communicate the message of this little book, but it is one I needed desperately.

My cat ate all the fur off of her front paws due to her anxiety over being separated from me and now has to take Xanax when I am gone. My Sassy doesn't do well when I travel, and this time around, it was bad. I got home, and walked in the door and she just leaned on my arm and purred. I cried. She is better now, and her fur is growing back, but she is the closest thing to a child to me and to see her in a frazzled state hurt me. I love my little furpeople, and they give me such joy.

Ok, there is a recap. I will do better in the next few months, because there will lots of cool stuff for me to write about.


I will leave you with something that I meditating on right now:
Ephesians 2:8-9 "For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them."

FATIMA..A LITTLE LIGHT OF HOPE.

I went to a fundraiser for the YWCA last week, and was blown away by some of the speakers. As many of you know, the YWCA offers assistance for women of all ages who are suffering from abuse well as many other programs such as adult education, after-school programs for young women, etc. I listened to several women tell their heartbreaking stories of verbal, emotional and physical abuse from their significant others. One woman left after her abuser went to work, with nothing but the clothes on her and her 14 year old son's back. They found shelter, support and counseling at the YWCA. The Y is currently helping this woman transition from the shelter to a home of her own, thanks to their women in transition program.
I listened to a 13 year old girl tell us how Girls, Inc. (the Y's after school program for adolescent and teenage girls)has increased her self-esteem and helps her make better choices at school and with her friends. A mother gave a powerful testimony about losing her own daughter to domestic violence.
10 women in the state of Tennessee DIED from domestic violence related crimes last year.

There was a beautiful young woman from Rwanda that shared her powerful story. She came to this country after she had lost her family in the genocide that occurred in her homeland. She came with $500, and a promise that help would be waiting. She landed in Nashville to find no one at the airport waiting for her. Her cab driver helped her the next day and compassionately opened up his home to help her get on her feet. As if losing your family and leaving your home wasn't enough, Fatima came here only to be disappointed.

I met Fatima in 2006, she was looking for a new place to live, and had a man in her life and a baby on the way. She is beautiful, with sharp, dark eyes and rich deep skin. Her smile goes from east to west. She settled in to her new place and all seemed well. She showed up in my office one afternoon very pregnant only to inform me that the baby's father had changed his mind and did not want a life with her and their baby to be. She was heartbroken; I remembered asking her if she could go back to her family and she whispered "I can't go back". My company was able to let her leave her place without the enormous costs and penalties involved.

This beautiful young woman on the YWCA platform this morning was Fatima! She completed her GED through the YWCA's adult education program and is working, thriving and looking forward to going to college. I was able to catch up and talk to her. I remembered so vividly our conversation that day when she pregnant, abandoned and alone; I had no idea that she really had nothing in Rwanda to go back to. This woman is a survivor. She is resilient, and her inspiring story humbled me.

I want to go back to the YWCA programs a second and just share a few things, this organization is amazing. Their outreach efforts are so powerful! Check out their site at ywca.org.

Religulous...Is a really good documentary

Maybe I am getting old, but I am starting to enjoy a good documentary. Seeing the stark reality in this form is very raw, gripping and inspiring to me. I saw "Religulous" this week, a documentary filmed by and narrated by Bill Maher. Maher interviews people of different faiths, namely Christians, Mormons, Jews and Muslims as he questions them about their faith, their belief in Creation, in the existence of heaven and hell, their religion's views of peace and war, comparisions of each faith's spiritual leaders, etc.

Maher does not believe in God and is very upfront about that. The film has moments that are hilariously funny, as he catches people unsure of how to answer him, or his responses...he is SO sarcastic. But I have to applaud him because he did his homework, especially on the Bible, and at times, is more educated on the literary facts than the ones he is interviewing. His seeking soul won me over too; this is a man who is almost convinced there is no God, but has taken the time to really dig deep for the answers here. He lets believers pray with and for him. He sees the injustice in women praying in a seperate area in the Muslim temple built in Jerusalem. He is enlightened (for just a moment) with comparision of the Holy Trinity to water,steam and ice(if you were raised in the Bible Belt and went to Bible School...you know what I am talkin bout). He is just so honest about this quest that I can't be angry at him for some of the views he expresses.

I thought about the movie in bed after I watched it and what my repsonse to this movie would have been a few years ago. I would have been outraged, insulted, I probably would have cut the movie off early. But I understand now, more than ever, doubt. Doubt in myself, in God, in everything. I also understand grace, and forgiveness. I understand faith, even though I can't taste it, touch it, see it. I just understand that it is there. I know there is a God who loves me and created me, I don't really know every single minute detail, but I know he did. I believe in Jesus and that he lived and died for me, and because of this I have a relationship with my Creator. I know He hears me, and He cares about everything in my life.

And I can't give you all the historical facts about Jesus, about Creation, or about the future of mankind. But I know that it is so real in my life, and that I also struggle with doubt too.

If anything, I walked away from that movie admiring Bill Maher for digging REAL deep, probably deeper than alot of the leaders he interviewed. I hope he finds something that satisfies the quest he is on. He challenged me to dig deeper so that my words and actions will coincide and speak volumes for the things I cannot explain.

My faith became the most real to me through the love and actions of others, which prompted me to seek more truth from classes and books. Whether or not Maher realizes it, his little movie may be the springboard alot of us need to push into the deep waters of our faith.

Go to Redbox, or Netflix, or Blockbuster and get it. Trust me, if you have an open mind, it won't offend you. If it does, I will give you a dollar for watching it.

Some Twists and Turns, but its all good....

Right now, I think everyone is experiencing the vulnerable state of our world. You may not be financial trouble right now, but your world is probably affected by it in some way, shape or form. Everyone seems on edge right now, unsure, yep, maybe even freaked out.

It is easy to hide out and run away when things don't look good, but is that really gonna help me? Nope. Even if I haven't felt like it, I have gotten out in the sunshine and joined the human race.

Last Saturday, I rode down to Pulaski, TN and hung out with a good friend of mine. We rode around in the country for almost three hours. I saw the most beautiful swinging bridge over a creek, we stopped on the side of a hill and watched the clouds pass over the valley and you could see the shadow of the clouds; it was breathtaking. I ate a FRIED PIE. It was decadent, to say the least.

I had dinner with two of my dearest friends this past weekend. They are both a little frazzled by the state of our world because they don't necessarily know what is next, but we ate and laughed and talked about life, and it reminded me again that things can come and go, but our relationships and connections are priceless.

I guess what I am trying to say is "don't worry". This is so hard for me, worrying is like water for me. I have literally been a worrying soul since I was in Pampers. But what good will it do me? All I can do is love my family and friends, do good in life, work hard and hang on. I mean, really, that's all we can do. The moments are what matter anyway. Like the sunpatches on the valley that I saw last week, I have to live for those, they are golden. Sure, the clouds will come up, the sun will go away, but it will come back! It's kind of like when you cry yourself to sleep, I always wake up feeling better the next day (I look like hell, but I feel better).
"weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning"

Who says greatness has to be grandiose?
Maybe it is the touch from a single mother to her child leaving for school in the morning?
Or the smile given to an elderly person sitting alone in a restaurant?
It could be the change that buys a homeless man breakfast.
Maybe it is the warmth coming from the hands that cradle an abandoned puppy?
In that moment, in the lives of those being comforted, IT is enormous, even grandiose.
It is the song they dance to. The incentive to live.
It is greatness.

Heart of Stone Documentary

As alot of you know, I went to the Sundance Film Festival as a guest of Puma Footwear on behalf of Soles4Souls. Puma had a three foot long sneaker that celebrities signed; the shoe will be auctioned off online and the proceeds will benefit Soles4Souls. It was indeed a very surreal experience, to have conversed with people like Ashley Judd, Mo'Nique, Pierce Brosnan, Jeff Bridges, Michelle Trachtenbug, Susan Saradon, Nick Cannon, Anne Heche..just to name a few, wow.
But the highlight of my week came in the form of a chance meeting with producer Paul Bartick and his teenage son Max, who were waiting in our area to get their photos taken. After we asked each other what brought us both to Sundance, Paul and Max told me about the documentary they were showing at Slamdance (which is a part of Sundance representing more independent projects) I was captivated by the story behind the film, and this incredibly sweet family, and Paul brought us tickets.
The documentary blew me away, it is the true story of one man's mission (Principal Ron Stone) to change the culture of a what once was a prestigious high school in Newark, New Jersey. It highlighted the lives of three students (two of them being the neighborhood leaders of the Crips and Bloods, who are friends thanks to the influence of Principal Stone. The film was just AMAZING, and a reminder of the footprints we can leave in the lives of others. It is also a portrait of a great human being, Ron Stone, who decided to leave his comfortable principal's office and go out into the culture of students and DO life with them.

I am going to attach a link to the trailer for this wonderful film. It won the Slamdance Audience Award for Best Documentary!!!! Yay!!

PLEASE WATCH!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D7oW8c6_VLc

So, amidst of glamour and glitz and snow of Park City, UT, I left challenged by this humble film. And reminded that it is what we do as individuals, in the circles around us, that matter the most!

Some little bits and pieces that will make up a BLOG

Hey Ya'll,
There is a plethora (look it up) of things I want to write about that, so here goes;

1. Livin the Music Benefit/Soles4Souls
Last week, the 501c3 Livin the Music (www.livinthemusic.org)hosted a concert to benefit Soles4Souls at the popular venue 3rd and Lindsley in Nashville. We had over a dozen artists perform at the event as well as participate in three shoe distributions that day. We gave out shoes at Lighthouse Mission Ministries, which runs a rehabilitation program for men who are struggling with alcohol and drug abuse. Then we headed to the International Newcomer Academy, a Metro Schools program for children who are refugees. The Academy tests their literacy, and teaches them English before they mainstream the students into the public school system. The last stop of the day before the concert was at the YWCA. We were able to visit their battered women's shelter and spend time with some very special women and children.
The concert itself was incredibly special, but I enjoyed the distributions the most. Big Machine Recording Artist Adam Gregory joined us for the events and sang at each stop, which was such a treat. The one on one contact with the men and women and children that we gave shoes to will be forever in my mind. I helped one young woman at the school lace her sneakers because she didn't know how. She was 14 years old.
It was a very special day and I was SO glad it went well!

2. Singing "Foreigner" tunes at church.
OK, I am very fortunate to be a part of such a GREAT church(www,hopepark.com) and I am frequently involved in the music there. Last Sunday, I covered the Foreigner tune "I Want To Know What Love Is". It was definitely a hair band moment, the people loved it, I often felt like I needed a perm and bangs while singing it. But I scored some serious points with this volunteer that I have been trying to reach out to for a couple of years. I always smile or say Hi and he just never really responds...being the people pleaser I am, I just keep trying...:)
Well, I walked by him Sunday and HE spoke the ME..."Great song, I loved it".....wow.....
OK, if it takes some hair band power ballads, I am all over it.

3. DEWEY
I just finished the book "Dewey" by Vicki Myron...sniff sniff. If any of you know me, you know how much I love my kitties. This nonfiction book is amazing. It is a MUST read. It is just another simple story about how ordinary people and things can make an extraordinary impact. I cried the last 5 chapters and for a while after I finished it, because it just impacted me SO personally. Please pick it up.

Alrighty then, that's it for now...Hey, FYI I am off to the Sundance Film Festival to represent Soles4Souls with Puma. We are going to have celebrities sign Puma shoes and then have an online auction and all of this will benefit Soles4Souls. So, stay tuned!!!!!!!

Home

I think the weather messes with my head sometimes. If it is rainy or cold. I just want to be sad, to withdraw to myself. I wish this part of me didn't surface at times, but it does. So, on this cold, rainy day, I am going to polish off this last bit of my melancholy mood and let it go.

Last week, my mom called me with some interesting news. My childhood home, her childhood home, too, had been demolished to the ground and the rest standing was set on fire. It was done on purpose, and I knew it eventually was going to happen. The house has been uninhabitable for a number of years, but the thought of going home and not seeing it there just saddens me.

It was a little farmhouse that my grandparents added on to. To most people, it would not mean much. It wasn't big, nor was it fancy. But for me, it was home. My mom and I moved around so much, and yet, I lived there repeatedly during my childhood, and then in my early twenties, I lived in it's backyard, I could ALWAYS see it.

On the patio, my Papa had a huge freezer, and a washer/dryer. And JUNK. I remember being little and looking at the dead frozen ducks in the freezer....really, what were they doing there? My cousin Davy threw a kittycat in the dryer one time, and we rescued him quickly. The back door was brown, with a window in it. You walked in and there was a kitchen/den combo.
In that den, I had my very own Christmas tree. I made the star with yellow poster board and dressed up like the Virgin Mary and wrapped my bean bag baby Jennifer up in swaddling towels as the baby Jesus. I have a picture of this.
The kitchen had beautiful wooden cabinets in it, and one night I saw the biggest mouse...RAT in my life on the counter.

There was a long hallway that led to bedrooms and the front of the house. My papa used to stand at one end, and growl at me...."GRRRR...I'm the boogaman...." I would squeal with delight.

The front left bedroom was MINE. My mama painted it a baby blue and moved my canopy bed in it, and I woke up in that pretty little room and I felt like a Paxville Princess. I prayed for Mr. Franklin, the man who laid the dark blue carpet down, for 3 years...God Bless Mr. Franklin.

There was a door with a window that led to the "formal" living room, and every Christmas they taped the face of Santa Claus inside it....He was always watching me. I would stand in front of the wall heater across from that door to warm up after bathtime...I burnt my baby doll's hair there drying her off too.

Every Christmas, there was a huge tree in the living room, and a stocking for every child, and grandchild, on the mantle. That was a lot, because my mom was one of six...so let's count. Nanny, Papa, Uncle David, Aunt Cherry, Uncle Dan, Momma, Aunt Betsy, Uncle Matt, Uncle Steve, Aunt Terri, Aunt Carolyn, Uncle Johnny, Cousin Jenny, Me, Cousin Stacie, Cousin Davy...there more added later...

Upstairs there was an a-frame bedroom that my cousin Stacie and I shared in middle school. One night, we attempted to sneak out, of course, I was too much of a chicken to climb down the ladder. However, I did manage to fall down the staircase without a broken bone.

Wow, the memories. I could go through the yard too, and recall every bump, bruise, puppy and kitty...I am so full of emotions right now. My heart is so happy to hold memories like this, and sad too, it was where I really called home, and it won't be there next time. But I am so lucky to have had something like this in my life, not everyone does.

On my nannies tombstone is the quote, "Let me live in a house by the side of the road, and be a friend to man" A plaque with this inscription hung on the kitchen wall, and my momma now has it. I remember this house always full of good food and laughter, family and friends. Yes, this was and always will be...Home.