The Heart

The heart that lives inside of me has always known love.
It has been sheltered from the world at times, yet it has known pain and hardship.
It has tasted bitterness and allowed criticism and judgement to creep in.
The heart that lives inside of me has known sadness and failure.
It has longed for love and acceptance.
Regret has seeped in as well.
The heart that lives inside of me has felt so alone, and fearful.
It has known peace and solitude.
It has felt complete and whole even after I thought it never would again.
The heart that lives inside of me finally understands grace, because I have felt it.
This heart is hopeful for all that lies ahead.
It is thankful for what is has felt, good and bad, in the past.
This heart is bigger, deeper and stronger.

Happiness

So, this morning I was heading out the door and saw SNOW FLURRIES!!! Yes, really! It made me so excited and happy and it was gone in basically 5 minutes. But when I was little every Christmas the weatherman for the local NBC affiliate would HOPE for snow, and talk it up, but we never got it. I can remember sitting Indian-style in front of the TV just bursting with excitement over the mere possibility of the white stuff coming my way. I would look out the window for snow, and Santa Claus, and just WISH WISH WISH for it.
That is how I felt this morning....I love that simple things that bring me joy like like that, and I pray they always do.

A Few of My Favorite Things...

This is not a deep, insightful blog, I just wanted to list a couple things in life that make me smile and make me happy. We are entering a time of year that gifts are given and received, and sometimes the things that mean the most are not in boxes and bows, but given other ways....

1. MY KITTIES...I have two babies, Sassy and Fancy, when the weather gets chilly, they get EXTRA loving, my favorite is early morning when they cuddle with me and I can hear them purring...This is love...

2. I have to take a BATH...there is NOTHING like a hot bubble bath with the phone nearby in case I need it, and a Coke Zero....HEAVEN. This seriously helps me sleep...and smell better.

3. A NIGHT OUT WITH A GOOD FRIEND. There is nothing like going to the mall with one of my girlfriends or out to dinner...talking and laughing over a good meal or while looking at the newest handbags ...coming up for air while we talk a million miles an hour. Having moments where we bond deeply, or moments where I am laughing SO hard I almost pee my pants....LOVE IT!

4. PERFUME...I have always loved it, I love all the different notes of a fragrance and the power scent has. A single smell can make me remember so much (The smell of Coast soap makes me think of my Daddy). Currently, I am loving Gucci perfume, and I love, love, love the smell of Johnson's Baby Lotion.

5. COFFEE...year round is my favorite, but especially right now, there is nothing like a warm cup of coffee when it's cold outside.

6. WAYNE...My sweet, crazy man. My friend, my love, my support....I love when we hang out, when we play cards...he is a sore loser. I love to be able to join in the awesome things he is doing for people with Soles4Souls...he makes me so proud and I am in awe of the amazing things he has accomplished. I love how much he loves people and cherishes relationships. He makes me laugh over the silliest things...he imitates me and it is hilarious and also frightening if I really sound that way. He shows his love for me with his actions...not just his words.

7. MY ROOTS...no, not my hair, but where I am from. My little small town, Paxville, SC. All my aunts, uncles and cousins....the fact that I had such a special network of people around me as I grew up that instilled so many things in me like love, family, fellowship, hard work, my faith...just to name a SMALL few.

That's it for now. There is more where that came from, I will blog some more later on...Have a great THANKSGIVING!

I was talking with a friend of mine the other day about how our society is obsessed with what is going on in the lives of others. Sites like facebook and twitter are overrun with people just "seeing what you are up to". Blog sites are increasingly popular with bloggers and blog readers as people use their freedom of speech to communicate whatever they want to and others read it voraciously.



I promise to never use my forum in ways that will hurt others, whether knowingly or unknowingly. I truly believe that forums and platforms are meant to inform, educate, uplift and enlighten others, they should never be instruments that try to damage people. Love and light are the greatest tools we have, and I want to always give those away in abundance.


I discovered this quote below earlier this year and have just fell in love with it. It sums it all up. it was authored by a woman who has seen alot and pain and tragedy in her life, and continues to live with dignity and purpose, not lashing out at others. I want to spend my time building up, not tearing down, loving without condemnation, and continuously moving forward through this journey.


"Life is rarely what we expect it might be, but we need to look for the lilies. We need to do what brings us joy and gives us a sense of purpose"
Elizabeth Edwards





Use your voice...powerfully...peacefully...purposefully...with love.

Send Soles4Souls your shoes!

Soles4Souls, a shoe charity located in Nashville, TN, will be constructing the world's LARGEST tower of shoes in the center court of Opry Mills Mall during the Holiday Season! The tower will be on display from November 5th-December 31st, the Guinness Book of World Records will even be checking in to record the numbers. Please contribute to this because there are roughly 300 million children worldwide without shoes!!
That is a sobering thought considering all the shoes in my closet that I don't wear!! For more information about drop off locations and shipping guidelines, please go to www.giveshoes.org.

September 29, 2008....

Today was not the funnest day. It was Monday to begin with. Of course, as I complain to my mom on the phone that it is Monday and I am stressed out I pass Vanderbilt Childrens Hospital and there is an adolescent boy on the lawn in a wheelchair enjoying the sunshine...so I shut up quickly.

I then went to meet my friend Tami for dinner. My mind is full of the images I saw on the news today. The stock market, the bailout failure, I am worried about the economy, my job security, how will I take care of myself and my mom, if and when that need arises. I tend to be a "downer" at times, I prefer to call it being a "realist". My ever so optimistic man is starting to rub off just a little on me. I almost canceled tonight and just went home by myself. But thankfully, I didn't.

Here is what I would have missed if I had:
1. Seeing that little boy at the hospital...a gentle reminder that life is not as bad as it seems, that there is always someone who suffers more than we will know, and in spite of any circumstance we are in..sunshine seems to make everything a little easier to deal with.

2. Snorting more times than I can count at my crazy friend from Savannah who grew up alot like me and understands that going barefoot in public places will not kill you, although it is not a desirable trait, that there are coupons to be found for everything on earth and the best lip gloss shade should just be named "LIP".

3. Finally getting to try hair extensions on and wondering WHAT ARE THESE PEOPLE THINKING??? Ouch....

4. Listening to Delilah as I drove home and hearing a husband call in to request a song and let his wife know that even though he can't always verbalize how much he loves her, he does with all his heart and soul. Setups like that make a love song EVEN better...

So, that is my blog for today, Monday September, 29, 2008.

Assorted New Stuff

Hey Ya'll,

I can't believe the year is flying by like this. Wow. So much has happened, 2008 has really been an amazing year for me, personally and professionally. ALL AROUND, it has been LOVELY!!

I just had the opportunity the last week of August to go to my hometown of Manning, SC to the school district I grew up in and give out a pair of shoes to every child in the Manning Early Childhood Center courtesy of Soles4Souls. Clarendon County has a poverty index of 80.6%, 71% of the children in the county live in single parent homes and this part of the state is along the I-95 corridor, where the median poverty index is 82.7%.

The children's ages ranged from 3 years old to first grade, and it was such an amazing day! I met so many beautiful children, and got to fit them with a new pair of clogs that they could wear. I saw, tickled, and touched tons of little toes and feet and got millions of hugs and kisses and sweet moments with the kids. It was a great opportunity and I owe a BIG thank you to the volunteers, teachers and staff of MECC, especially Betty Harrington, the principal.

I was reminded that day how powerful the human touch is. The kids had never seen me before and some of them were so shy, but taking the time to stop and chat with them and reach out to them was eye opening to me, they warmed up so quickly.

I will now be working with Soles4Souls more as a spokesperson, something I am honored and thrilled to be doing!

Have a great weekend, more later...
Tif

Magic Shoes

I love shoes, what girl doesn't? It is so funny that I am active in an organization that provides footwear to people all over the world because long ago a pair of shoes was linked to something important in my own life.
I was six years old, and after Momma heard me sing along with the radio and TV jingles long enough, she saw that maybe she had a little singer on her hands. I remember going to Miss Betty McLeod's home in Paxville (she lived in a brick ranch house and I thought it was a mansion, she also had a picture of Elvis on her nightstand, which I thought was pretty cool), and rehearsing the song "Somewhere over the Rainbow" while her daughter Debbie played the piano. There was such a fuss made about it, and Momma found a gingham dress, and we parted my hair down the middle and braided each side, and I held a little basket with a stuffed puppy dog inside (Toto, if you have not already guessed).

And the shoes... They were my Buster Brown Mary Janes. Momma spread glue all over them and rolled them in red glitter, and with that I had my ruby slippers, my magic shoes.

The annual Striped Bass Festival was going on the big metropolis of Manning, SC and they had entertainment on the court house steps all weekend. Saturday morning was my big debut. They sat me on the edge of the baby grand on stage with the basket in my hand and I sang my heart out. That began a string of beauty pageants, and each time I won with my "Somewhere over the Rainbow" performance.
Momma has those shoes still, in a ziploc bag with my keepsakes and many other costumes.

Soles4Souls, (www.giveshoes.org) states that a "pair of shoes can change someone's life", I totally agree.

Making Believe

Walking into a restaurant today I saw a young girl with her mother clutching a baby doll. She held the doll close to her chest, cradling her head and her eyes were bright. It took me back to the times when I was little, and had my "babies" that I played pretend with . I had dollbabies that would drink bottles and cry tears, and when I was playing with them, they came alive and I became mommy. I had beautiful blonde Barbie dolls with gorgeous gowns, outrageous blue eyes and pink corvettes, with a mansion and a beautiful boyfriend named Ken. The idea of making believe, pretending you were mommy, or a cowboy, or a beautiful princess could keep you busy for hours on end, and hope of "making believe" made us anticipate the future.

Making Believe...what a concept. It is thought to be an escape, or an exercise of our imagination when we are younger. When we are older, "making believe" can be negative, like we are avoiding reality. But is it really all that bad to make believe...to force yourself to have hope in something...to produce something that you can trust.

Maybe making believe could actually help us reach dreams we are scared to try and attain, or keep us brave when we are scared of falling apart. When I was a little chunky 4th grader, I was brave and strong when I pretended to be a graceful horse trainer princess (yes, I was a three dimensional character), and I had the chutzpah to try things that normally scared me (like the monkey bars). But in those moments, making believe helped me. Or when I was on stage singing as a little girl and my momma would tell me to "make believe" all the people in the audience had polka-dotted underwear on. That thought in my mind kept me so busy I forgot to be so nervous.

That little girl today touched me so deeply. Her eyes were bright, her smile was big, and her steps were light, she made me remember...

...MAKE YOURSELF BELIEVE...

Red

So, I have a story for you.

Outside of my apartment building in the parking lot sits a 1973 Ford F100 pickup truck. It was probably once a vivid red color, now faded to orangey-reddish hue, with assorted dents and rust spots that serve as bullet wounds of the life it has led. It cranks up and can go, although I have let it warm up before I go somewhere in it. Red came into my life at a time when I needed family close to me, and a reminder that the stop in the story of my life at the time was not the finishing point, just a pothole.



About 6 years ago, I began a love affair with old pickup trucks. I was travelling quite bit so I saw some awesome ones. I always loved the beat-up trucks. They reminded me of my Dad, a Ford man until his death in 2002, and he always had pickups. I was drawn to them and thought that one day, I would try to get one for myself.



In my South Carolina hometown of 234 people is where I first met Red. I began to notice him in Bobby's backyard when I would visit my mom and I would always ask Bobby to let me drive him, and he would say No every time. So, when I would go home to see Momma, I would always "cut" the block and check to see if Red was still there.



In July 2006, I went home to see Momma and she said that Bobby wanted to see me. I got excited about the possibility of maybe finally driving Red, let alone entertaining the idea of owning him, So we made the drive to Paxville and went to visit. We all chatted for a while and then Bobby and I went outside to see Red. We cranked him up, it took a while at first, and we drove him around the block. No power steering, no AC, no radio. Just me and Bobby and a comfortable silence except for the unusually loud muffler.



Back at the house after the ride, I asked Bobby if I could buy Red. He looks at me and then smiles that fabulous smile, and says, sure, it will cost you a quarter...

I begin to cry, so did Momma and Bobby's wife Sharon. It was one of those moments that I will never forget. I have a picture of me handing Bobby a quarter from that day. He signed the title over to me and in September 2006, Red made the pilgrimage to Nashville and his new home.



I don't drive Red a lot. But when I do, it is calm and peaceful. No radio, in fact I usually sing at the top of my lungs, and I take him down back roads where the traffic is sparse. He is "Home" to me, a reminder of where I came from and all that I hold dear. My family, my roots, my small-town upbringing. He smells like my Daddy when he would come to get me on Friday afternoons after he had been farming all day. There have been nights I sat in Red and just cried on his shoulder.



So that is the story of me and Red. My little piece of Paxville here in Nashvegas.