Bruised Reeds

I know I end up talking about God a lot, and my faith. But honestly, it is what sustains me, and I have had seasons in my life where I have been very close to him, and at times, far away. And the beautiful thing about Him is that HE never moves from us. We do the moving, He stays put; He is the same yesterday, today and forever. The very different thing about my faith now is that He is more real to me than He has ever been.

I am in a season of my life now that I would call "cleaning up messes and brokenness". That is the best way to describe it. God has used a series of events to call to mind several "messes" that I needed to clean up. So, after fighting with him about it, I stuck my tail between my legs and started picking up after myself. And it felt amazing. It was scary, and humbling, but after I was done with my end of the cleaning, I felt such a freedom and lightness that only comes when we surrender to His voice. And I left my seed in the ground (and that was hard, because us control freaks want to mess with it every minute of every day).

But there is some brokenness along the way too. Knowing that I can listen to Him and obey Him, and then I have to surrender the "mess" and trust Him. And I am broken right now. Heartbroken, lifebroken, just broken. And at times, it is a beautiful place to be, but most of the time, it hurts worse than anything. And it is heart hurt, if it was a headache, I could take Advil. But it is a soulache, and that requires time, patience and trust.

This verse came to mind this morning. Matthew 12:20 "a bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not quench; until he brings justice to victory"

I am a bruised reed. I can hardly keep it up right now, but when plants are bruised, you tie them to a stick and it holds them up. I am a smoldering wick, still burning, but not blown out, but NOT entirely aflame either.

Seasons bring a lot of stuff into our lives; we can choose to avoid it, move on or we can ride it out and know that something beautiful will happen there.

God, I am your bruised reed. Hold me up, help me grow. Bend me, even break me if you have to.